Distance Makes the Heart Grow...Fonder?

      Hayden and I dated for 2 and half years. He is my highschool sweetheart, I never thought anything could tear us apart, but boy was I wrong. I have always had a thing for soccer players, being a talented athlete just made Hayden that more attractive. His hard work, determination, and passion for the game was unlike any other. In the back of my mind I had always known he would go places but I guess I never really wanted to face the facts untill I had no other choice.
       We started talking about college about a year ago. He was going into his senior year, I was going to be a junior. The age difference had never been a problem untill then. He had a few different offers to play soccer, he looked into it but never really seemed interested. I thought he had plans to stay home and wait for me. I thought we were going to go through this chapter together. Boy was I wrong!  
         The arguments progressivly got worse. To him they were unbearable. His reasoning for our break up was "I need time alone to figure out what college I want to go to with no distractions. I need to do what is best for myself." As hard as it was, I only wanted to be there to support him. To encourage him to go whereever his heart told him.
       After about a week of barely speaking I got a phone call, "I'm going to New York, they offered a scholarship that I don't want to turn down." That was only the beginning of an emotional rollercoaster. My heart felt betrayed but my mind was excited. It was a ticking tock. I only had a few months left before he was gone, Sixteen hundred miles away.
    I had so much anger for him. How could he do that to me. All of my hopes and dreams for our relationship went down the drain. We weren't even together but the fighting continued to get worse. My ego wouldn't let me forgive him for chosing to leave.
     As august 9th creeped up on us I became more numb. Helping him pack, sitting in his room for the last time. So many memories replayed in my head like a movie I could watch forever. Saying Goodbye before his 7 AM flight. It's still so surreal.
        I'm still numb. I try not to think about the distance. Our relationship ended because i'm unsure of how i feel about long distance relationships. Hayden and I are so young. If we are meant to be, we have the rest of our lives to be together.
        But to look on the bright side, I'm visiting him in october. I'm excited. Though we aren't togeher I care to see him. I want to know what his new life is like. I'm excited to meet his team. I hope and pray that we can atleast keep a friendship without our emotions getting in the way.

xx