"The Art of Courtley Love"

1. Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.
2. He who is not jealous cannot love.
3. No one can be bound by a double love.
4. It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing.
5. That which a lover takes against the will of his beloved has no relish.
6. Boys do not love until they reach the age of maturity.
7. When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor.
8. No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons.
9. No one can love unless he is propelled by the persuasion of love.
10. Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice.
11. It is not proper to love any woman whom one would be ashamed to seek to marry.
12. A true lover does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his beloved.
13. When made public love rarely endures.
14. The easy attainment of love makes it of little value: difficulty of attainment makes it prized.
15. Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.
16. When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved his heart palpitates.
17. A new love puts an old one to flight.
18. Good character alone makes any man worthy of love.
19. If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives.
20. A man in love is always apprehensive.
21. Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love.
22. Jealousy increases when one suspects his beloved.
23. He whom the thought of love vexes eats and sleeps very little.
24. Every act of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved.
25. A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.
26. Love can deny nothing to love.
27. A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.
28. A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.
29. A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love.
30. A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved.
31. Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.

                                  BY: Andrea Capellanus

            
             I adore this. This just proves that love is universal. Love never changes. No matter
             where you are, who you are, who you love, or what you love everyone still experiences it.
             What an amazing feeling.

xx

           

Blogging my stress away.

 

New York is slowly creeping up on me.. Seems like yesterday I was having to say goodbye to him.

Mehhh, I've been working my a$$ off to have tons of shopping money for NYC. At this point, I'm not sure what emotion to feel. What if it brings back all of the emotions that I've been trying to cover for so long?

NOT to mention.. I have a few mhmm. #PyschoExProbs

Hayden and I agreed to stay civil through the breakup but it turns out it's easier said than done. Unfortunately Hayden needs to learn how to control his anger.. Being single means I'm allowed to see other people. He doesn't quite understand that concept.

ANYWAYS. that subject can definitely ruin the good vibes.

Time is flying, I still have no idea which college I want to attend. OSU is my number one but unfortunately they don't have my specific major. *tear*

I'm praying that I figure everything out..ASAP. I'm literally driving myself and everyone else crazy with my moody temper tantrums. My Poor fam/friends are forced to put up with me! muhah! (Evil laugh)

&& While I'm on this little rant I got a ticket for speeding AND failure to show my drivers license this morning. I had to pick up my aunt from the airport, i didn't think i was going to need my purse. I rolled out of bed and was on my way.. I'll admit.. I was speeding... A lot. (Sorry Dad!)

okay! Okay! Really, on to positive things.

I'm LOVING this weather, but unfortunately my skin isn't! I'm on a hunt for sensitive skin products. If anyone has any suggestions, help ya girl out!

The Texas State Fair is here.. I've never been, feel free to send me some fatty fried foods. That's been known to bring a girl out of a rut. I'll pretend like i didn't eat a pint of rocky road last night.

Sorry for the nagging/b*tching. Moral Of the post, Sleep is over-rated and I do the best thinking at night! This week is going to be better than the last!

Happy Monday! Muah!

xx

Had a better than WONDERFUL weekend with Dylan. He's such a sweetheart. We didn't really do much seeing it poured in Dallas ALL weekend.  We Celebrated his dad's birthday with cake a presents on Saturday night. He was the sweetest grandparents! I'm so Glad I got to meet them.

Thanks to the new ios6 update, I can now take Panoramic pictures!

Don't you love his scarf?  He's the original Hiptster!

Other that than that, I didn't really do much. Just stayed in and watched movies. I can't wait until my bestfriend (mhmmm) comes back to visit!

xx

Suicide Awareness!

     The Navy announced the month of September is suicide awareness month. Today, September 10th, is recognized as Suicide awareness day.

   

 I recently lost someone close to me due to suicide. I wish I knew why, I wish I could have a look into his heart to know exactly what he was feeling at that exact moment that he made that decision. It's so heartbreaking to see Satan win. He might have won his battle on earth, but Love has won. I've already seen Kyle affect so many people's lives. I know he is looking down watching all of his family and friends rejoice in his memory.

     

 On a lighter note, this month has been recognized to help prevent such a tragedy. I hope everyone knows that they are not alone. Don't let temporary pain cause a permanent scar to others. Your life is so much bigger than you can ever imagine. Don't give up.

     

Please Re post the link below, you never know whose life you are going to save.

   http://www.suicidehotlines.com/

            Kyle Austin Milliman, I love you. Forever and Always. Love ALWAYS wins.

Update on the Shania Gray Case:

http://www.wfaa.com/news/crime/Shania-Gray-12p-update-169188086.html

Writers block/Catchup/Rant

This past week has been absolutely crazy. Let me start off by saying  COWBOYS NATION. I'm so stoked about DCC: Making the Team being back on! Also, Switched at Birth! What is Bay doing trying to date someone other than Emmett?! I think everyone knows how that fling is going to end. 

It's been a month since i've seen Hayden, and in a month and three days I will be flying to New York to see him. So close yet so far away. I had dinner with his family last weekend, I missed this sweet baby so much!

   So much has happened in the past week, I don't even know how to put it into words. And the more I think about it, I am my own worst enemy. I stress myself out. I shouldn't worry about half of the things I do. I've narrowed down the colleges I am applying to. Top Choice: Oklahoma State! GO POKES (: and then Texas State, Arizona State, and University of Arkansas. OSU has the southern feel that I love, and seeing so many people post pictures from Rush week and the first few weeks of class makes me that much more excited. But who knows, I honestly have no idea where I will be in a year.

 I feel like I'm working my life away. It seems like every time I have a million things to do I have work to add on top of that. Money is a must, So working is not an option. My boss isn't the nicest person in the world, God forbid she actually make things more enjoyable for us. Our new GM is an anal a-hole. Sorry, but I don't think anyone wants to scrub the inside of a trashcan.

      Oh oh oh! Tuesday, I was an inch a way from rear ending someone and being rear ended. It had the potential of being a 5 car fender bender. (THANK GOD it wasn't)  I called 911 and had to wait for the Ambulance and hot fire fighters to get there. Traffic is ridiculous in the morning AND I was late to class.
 
     If you have a chance, read this article. This story hits home, I didn't know her but she was last seen at the school I attend. I hope there is  Justice for Shania.
   http://m.nbcdfw.com/nbcdfw/pm_108184/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=UO6yF55B

       Here comes the ranting.. Maybe I'm just bitter but I'm so sick of seeing couples complain about a 3 hour long distance relationship. I Understand that it's hard. Any long distance relationship is. Shoot, any relationship is. No one should complain though, they don't have it NEARLY as hard as some. I can't even have a relationship with Hayden because he is so far away. I couldn't drive to see him on the weekends even if I wanted to. He lives right outside of New York city so even flying is hard. I wish more girls were appreciative of what they have. It's so sad knowing things didn't work out with Hayden and I just because of the distance. Like I said, Maybe I'm just bitter. As I'm writing this Miranda Lambert's "over you" came on.. Ironic much?

"But you went away.. how dare you, I miss you. "

Next song was Trace Adkins "You're gonna miss this." Pandora, you know me too well.

"you're going to miss this, you're going to want this back, You're going to wish these days hadn't gone by so fast.. you're going to miss this.."

Anyways! I feel like I'm getting lost in everything that is going on. Over the next week I'm going to set a list of goals. Both short term and long term. I need to make sure I have all of my priorities in line. I know what I want and I won't stop until I get it.

I LOVE this tattoo. Thinking about getting it!

On the bright side of things..My friend Dylan who plays Soccer at University of The Ozarks just reminded me that he has a game in Texas this weekend. I'm still trying to decide if he's worth taking a three hour road trip! ha! I'm sure my best friend and I will end up going! I've been wanting to see him play! I know he's reading this.. Dylan, since you're reppin' number 3 for me, scoring isn't an option!

Also, I figured out this week that the weekend I visit Hayden is his homecoming weekend. I know I've seen him play a million times but I never thought I would get to see him play a college game. After his homecoming, we have plans on going out to dinner in the big NYC. Ahh! I can't wait!

                                                                      



Short & Sweet.

You hate them, you love them. You stalk their facebook/twitter accounts. You have so much bad to say about them yet you still think about them all of the time. You don't want to be with them but you don't want them to be with anyone else. You say you hate them, hating is still caring. I wish I understood why some people stay stuck on their Ex boyfriend or girlfriend for so long.

    Of course breaks up leave broken hearts and bitter feelings behind but I've noticed that most people tend to carry their feelings into the next relationship. It's simple. If you want to be with that person, be with them. But if not, all you're doing is putting a barrier on possible relationships and opportunities to be happy. It's not fair to the next person. So moral of the story, really think about what you're doing before you get another person's emotions involved.

The worst part is, I think I might be guilty of this too..

          xo

Top 5: Sweetest love songs.

I'm obsessed with Love songs. What girl isn't? My go-to songs change when I'm in that "mood," and when I say mood I mean when I want to cry to sappy lifetime movies. Here are my top 5 as of now!

Wanted - Hunter Hayes

      Beautiful man, beautiful voice, beautiful song.

         http://youtu.be/ruyaKdPfTN4

You Save me - Kenny Chesney

         Probably one of my all time favorites, You can never go wrong with a little Kenny Chesney!

         http://youtu.be/ACJ3akD8zIg

You had me From Hello - Kenny Chesney

       This song WILL be played at my funeral. "You asked me if I loved you, If I always will"

           okay, maybe when I said a little Kenny I meant a lot!

            http://youtu.be/nXATCqbrdAk

A Drop in the Ocean- Ron Pope

       " But I'm holding you closer than most, because you are my heaven"

          http://youtu.be/mt8jifKlbTc

Home - Blake Shelton/Michael Buble

           I'm not sure why I love this song, but I can't stop listening to it. Especially this version.

           http://youtu.be/Q33YUxnGvwE 

xo

Sweet Summer Time!

Slowly but surely summer 2K12 has come to an end but DAMN it was good to me. :)

   I definitely didn't spend enough time in the sun but luckily the Texas heat will be around for a little longer! 

Now that school is starting back up hopefully I wont have as many hours at Bdubs! Although I think it might be a bad sign that I'm excited about working less, but who cares! 

      This summer was full of amazing memories. It was my last summer with Hayden. Though not every thing went as planned, I'm glad everything played out the way it did. I'm so thankful that his family invited me to Destin with them. We had been talking about going on vacation together for forever. Okay, maybe only two years, but close enough right?  Between catching some rays and playing with Baby Harper I made some memories that will be sketched into my heart forever. It's so sad starting my senior year without Hayden but I know that he has moved on to bigger and better things up in the big NYC! 

     Now onto Dylan. where do I start with Dylan.. He has caused a catastrophe in my life but I'll save that story for another time! No matter what happens between him and I I'm so thankful that I've gotten so close to him this summer. The thing about him that caught my eye was that we would just sit around and do nothing. Occasionally we'd go swing at Kid Kountry and if we weren't doing that you could find us at the high school playing soccer. He helped me through a lot. It was nice having a guy that I could confide in about Hayden. Even though Hayden and I broke up at the start of the summer, Dylan never pushed anything. Unfortunately, I'm very bad at this whole talking about feelings thing so I'm not quite sure that he knows how thankful I am for his help. He took my mind off of the stress that had to do with Hayden leaving. And when i say he took my mind off of Hayden I don't mean it in the way that most would think. Dylan just helped me be carefree and happy. In the end, isn't that what summer is all about? 

     

          Other than that, My summer consisted of having a Partial Hysterectomy, Hayden's sweet talks, tanning, working, Harper time, Late night skype sessions, Large Root Beers with extra vanilla, my best friend Sakyiwaa & PJ (it's like a dual package), late night hot tub sessions, embarrassing selfies, BLONDE hair, Chocolate almond ice cream, Chipotle burritos, People watching, lounging around, movie days, kettle corn, attempting to "run," Fifty Shades series, Rangers updates, my lovely Mal Palz, long nights, and making new friends from Coppell! I hate to see summer go but this time next year I'll either be at Texas State or Oklahoma State. I'm so stoked to see where I end up! But I guess for now it's back to the hell hole I call hebron! 6 AM will come too soon..

                 xo 

Here is my summer crammed into as few pictures as possible! 

I love you. #44

    It's taken me a few weeks to write this because i wasn't sure how to express how much I will miss him, and to be honest I could write forever and that still wont cover everything. There never was a time that he wasn't putting a smile on my face. Kyle Austin Milliman will forever be in my heart. It still hasn't hit me that he's gone. It's hard to be upset when all I want to do is remember his smile and laugh. He had such a sweet heart; He was loved by so many.
      I finally understand. Depression is a disease. You never know what someone is else is going through. It hurts my heart knowing that he felt that was his only escape. Sometimes I wonder if he could have been stopped, but i know that this is all in Gods plan. It was his time to leave this earth.

     It gives me comfort knowing that he is watching over everyone. He is a Guardian angel to so many people. I can't wait to see his smiling face as I walk through the gates of heaven one day. I love you forever and always!

xx


       

Distance Makes the Heart Grow...Fonder?

      Hayden and I dated for 2 and half years. He is my highschool sweetheart, I never thought anything could tear us apart, but boy was I wrong. I have always had a thing for soccer players, being a talented athlete just made Hayden that more attractive. His hard work, determination, and passion for the game was unlike any other. In the back of my mind I had always known he would go places but I guess I never really wanted to face the facts untill I had no other choice.
       We started talking about college about a year ago. He was going into his senior year, I was going to be a junior. The age difference had never been a problem untill then. He had a few different offers to play soccer, he looked into it but never really seemed interested. I thought he had plans to stay home and wait for me. I thought we were going to go through this chapter together. Boy was I wrong!  
         The arguments progressivly got worse. To him they were unbearable. His reasoning for our break up was "I need time alone to figure out what college I want to go to with no distractions. I need to do what is best for myself." As hard as it was, I only wanted to be there to support him. To encourage him to go whereever his heart told him.
       After about a week of barely speaking I got a phone call, "I'm going to New York, they offered a scholarship that I don't want to turn down." That was only the beginning of an emotional rollercoaster. My heart felt betrayed but my mind was excited. It was a ticking tock. I only had a few months left before he was gone, Sixteen hundred miles away.
    I had so much anger for him. How could he do that to me. All of my hopes and dreams for our relationship went down the drain. We weren't even together but the fighting continued to get worse. My ego wouldn't let me forgive him for chosing to leave.
     As august 9th creeped up on us I became more numb. Helping him pack, sitting in his room for the last time. So many memories replayed in my head like a movie I could watch forever. Saying Goodbye before his 7 AM flight. It's still so surreal.
        I'm still numb. I try not to think about the distance. Our relationship ended because i'm unsure of how i feel about long distance relationships. Hayden and I are so young. If we are meant to be, we have the rest of our lives to be together.
        But to look on the bright side, I'm visiting him in october. I'm excited. Though we aren't togeher I care to see him. I want to know what his new life is like. I'm excited to meet his team. I hope and pray that we can atleast keep a friendship without our emotions getting in the way.

xx

                                                        

A girl can dream huh?

My best friend is my lucky number :)